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I heard about the God encounter weekend that was being planned at my church and I felt the pull of the Lord to check into it. I really felt I should attend, but I thought the Lord was going to use me to "help" someone. During the first session Pastor Steve said, "You are not here to "help" anyone. You are here because you have an appointment with God and He wants an encounter with you." As I filled out the encounter paperwork I thought to myself, "Wow, no wonder I have struggled in certain areas...this is amazing. They cover so many things." I tried to be as open and honest as I could. Pastor Steve and the facilitators taught on many subjects and topics. We covered many scriptures and heard many testimonies. During Pastor Steve's teaching on about how words can hurt, the Lord brought to my memory a story I had been told hundreds of times by my family members, usually jokingly with lots of laughter. This time was different though. The Lord took me back to the very first time I heard the story. I was very young, probably only around seven years old. I also relived the hurt and pain I felt as I heard the story of my birth. This is the story. My father had been married and divorced and he did not want any more children so he had decided to have surgery to prevent him from fathering any more children. After he met my mother she became pregnant. When she told him she was with child he denied I was his and he accused her of having an affair. My dad finally went in to his doctor to be checked and found that his surgery did not work and he was my father. My dad was a business owner and he began betting and gambling money and business items that I would be a boy. He wanted a son. When my mother went to the hospital and delivered me they called my dad and told him that he had a daughter. He became very angry and even though my mother stayed in the hospital over seven days he never came to see or visit me. I relived the hurt and pain I felt the first time I heard that story, when I realized that my dad didn't want me and that he was angry I was born. I began to pray and I asked God, "Lord, if I wasn't wanted, why was I born?" And the Lord said to me, "Because I wanted...you are." It was through the encounter that I was able to forgive my dad for not wanting me and for not being able to show the emotional and physical love I so desperately needed. I was also able to ask my father to forgive me for rebelling against him and for being the prodigal daughter. The Encounter was a healing experience. I now know that I was born because God planned my life for such a time as this. I have a purpose and a calling, and now I can go forth to do whatever He calls me to do because I know His voice, I trust and love him, and because He is my Father. DL - March, 2006 |
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